Alive
by foppery
Summary: Why are you doing this?" "...I want you to feel alive." MattxMello


**Title:** Alive

**Rating:** NC-17

**Pairing:** mattxmello

**Warning:** Eh... spoilers, sex, cursing...

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, Mello, Matt, Roger, or Wammy's House. I do own a dog named Buddy, however!

Alive

_"Hey, Mello?"_

_"What?"_

_"We're going to die, aren't we?"_

_"Everyone dies."_

_"But we're going to die _soon_, aren't we?'_

_"...Yeah."_

A small, auburn-haired boy sat crouched on an old, crumpled couch. All around him were toys, stacked neatly and compulsively in the tall, distinct shape of the eiffel tower. The playroom had been like this since before he got here, due to that weird albino, Near.

Matt held a small gameboy in his hands, of which he didn't remove his eyes from. He'd been sitting in there all morning, trying to beat this game. Though, just as he was about to deal the final blow to the boss, he noticed the handle of the playroom door begin to open.

He looked up in curiosity as Roger appeared in the doorway, a child about his age in front of the old man.

"Matt, this is Mello."

_"Hey, Mello?"_

_"What?"_

_"Before we die, will you kiss me?"_

_"..."_

_"Please?"_

_"No."_

_"Why not?"_

_"..."_

_"Mello..."_

_"...Fine."_

Mello was truly a sight to behold. His golden hair was smooth and long, much like a girl's, but the way he acted was off the wall. As soon as Roger was out of ear shot of the playroom, the pretty boy had kicked over Matt's couch and barricaded himself between the dirty green fabric and the wall.

Matt furrowed his brow. Most new kids didn't act like this. True, it was an orphanage, and kids usually did act crazy after losing their parents, but the orphans at Wammy's House had to have a certain kind of emotional detachment. After all, they were in line to be L.

He looked over at the battle fort that was once his beloved couch. Damn... this Mello must be really, really smart to have been brought to Wammy's under these type of cicumstances.

"Ah, well. Guess it can't be helped."

Matt got down on his hands and knees and crawled over to the side of the couch where there was a foot-wide opening between the wall and the couch.

"Oy, you! Mell-..."

The sight that greeted him was one his eyes would never forget. The tough-guy, future leather-wearing, mafia boss, Mello, was hunched into a ball, his knees pulled to his chest, with small, silent tears trickling down his cheeks. He forcefully rubbed the back of his hand across his face, rubbing away most of the liquid, and gave a small sniff.

"What do you want?"

_Matt cautiously brushed his lips across Mello's forehead. When they were alone like this, Matt's view of the blonde always went back to the way it was when they were children; Mello was something precious and fragile. He acted tough, but if he was pushed in the slightest bit, he would break. Now, Matt knew that that idea was slightly warped. Mello would do anything it took, from rape to extortion to murder, to reach his goals. And, if you pissed him off, he'd blow your fucking brains out... no matter who you were. Still, Matt didn't want to break him._

_"What are you doing? Just get on with it."_

_"Sorry..."_

"Um... Are you okay?"

The blonde glared at him.

"What the fuck do you think?"

"Ah, right..."

The red-haired boy glanced down at the slightly younger (he presumed) 's hands and the small silver object they held.

"Is that...?"

"A rosary."

Mello took the red beads and placed them quickly around his neck, dropping the silver crucifix at the end underneath his shirt.

"Are you religious?"

The blonde shifted positions so he was leaned against the wall, all previous signs of breakdown gone other than the slight red tint to his nose.

"...No."

Matt rested against the upturned side of the sofa, so when he turned his eyes to the left he could see Mello's face clearly.

"Then, why would you have a rosary?"

Mello drew his knees to his chest again.

"It was my mom's."

_What started as a gentle touching of flesh soon turned hot, ravage. Mello's mouth was crashing with Matt's own, biting and nipping at Matt's lips and tongue. Their teeth clashed a few times, drawing blood on both sides. Never had either man held the other like this. All the other times had been planned, gentle, almost scared. But this... this was fire and passion and heat and impulse and fear and anger all thrown together and wrapped up into this single kiss._

_Mello's dutiful hands had already made their way under Matt's striped shirt and were tearing at the fabric in their attempt to remove it. The red-head broke the kiss for just long enough to notice the small string of saliva that still connected their lips and pull his shirt hastily over his head, ruffling his hair._

_When Matt leaned back in to reclaim Mello's lips as his own, with a small touch of his soft fingertips, Mello halted him._

_"Matt... why are you doing this?"_

_Matt grinned at the blonde in front of him._

_"Because... You make me feel alive. And I really want to be alive tonight."_

"Your mom's?"

"Yeah."

Matt could tell by the look on Mello's face that he and his mother were close. Much closer than he had been with his bitch of a mom.

"...How'd she die?"

Mello glanced up at him, a look of shock on his face. That wasn't something you just asked someone!

"Cancer."

Matt dropped his eyes from Mello's face.

"Ah."

"What about yours?"

"I don't know. My mom was a prostitute and hated her life. She disappeared from home for about a week and the I got a letter from the place she worked that simply said she was dead. Probably suicide. Then, Wammy's got me. I've been here about a year."

The conversation faded away after that and both boys sat in silence, each lost in their own memories. it was probably atleast ten minutes later when Matt felt a small pressure on his wrist and looked down to see Mello's hand lightly placed there, trying to offer some form of comfort.

"Mello..."

For the first time in years, Matt felt his eyes grow hot and begin to sting. A lump formed in his throat as he fought to hold back tears that he knew were already forming and sliding down his cheeks.

_"Nngh... Matt..."_

_Matt's hand had begun rubbing Mello through his pants and he could already feel the item hardening. _

_"Mello, can I...?"_

_The blonde gave a small nod, making gold strands of hair fall into his eyes._

_The goggled older moved his lips to Mello's bare stomach, kissing the well-shaped abs and letting his tongue dip into his navel. All the while, his hands had removed the button of Mello's pants from it's hole and was beggining to tug at the zipper._

Matt felt soft skin run across his cheek and brush away the tears that still lingered there. He stared at the boy to his left with a look of confusion on his face.

"Mello, why... why would you do this for me?"

The other stared right back, a small smile, nearly a smirk, lighting his face, and Matt realized how extremely bright blue Mello's eyes were.

"I'm doing this because... your eyes look dead. And I want you to feel alive."

_Matt extracted the hard member from Mello's pants and softly kissed the head. When Mello's fingers tangled themselves in Matt's hair, he saw Mello's impatience shine and he knew he shouldn't keep the trigger-happy blonde waiting much longer. _

_With one swift movement, Matt took all of Mello's hard erection into his mouth, and was delighted at the quiet, strangled noise Mello made. He began moving his tongue and mouth around the velvety flesh, earning him the taste of precum dripping into his throat. _

_When he sensed Mello was close to his peak, he let go of the throbbing manhood and moved himself over Mello._

_"Hey... Can I fuck you?"_

_The blonde's lips were bruised a dark pinkish purple from their collision with Matt's teeth and a heavy blush had settled on his cheeks. Matt had seriously never seen his friend look more beautiful._

_"...Yeah."_

"Feel alive, huh? Sounds like a silly reason to me. I think you just made it up."

Mello grinned.

"Yeah, I did. I just wanted to say something cool, so you'd overlook me being all... chickish a minute ago."

Both boys chuckled, making a joke of what they both knew had been a real moment between them. But, what more could you expect from two adolescent boys?

All the same, when Mello finally came out of his 'fort', Matt clasped the boy's hand within his own.

_Matt began to insert two of his fingers into his mouth when Mello grabbed his hand, pulling it to his own mouth, licking at the fingers before taking them fully into his mouth and covering them in saliva. _

_"Matt..."_

_The auburn-locked man knew what Mello was too embarassed to ask for and slowly inserted a single finger into Mello's ass. _

_Now, Matt was pretty well-known for being able to hold his liquor, but the gasp that emerged from Mello's swolen lips could've kept him drunk for weeks. Just that was enough to make the tip of his dick weep._

_Without waiting for Mello to tell him whether or not he was ready, Matt worked on instinct and entered the second finger, pumping in and out of the tight entrance._

_"Mmhh! Holy shit, Matt- Ah! Give me some fucking- mhn!- warning next time!"_

_Matt kissed the cursing Mello on the cheek, whispering in his ear,_

_"Sorry... But, Mello, here's your warning..."_

_Matt had already removed his fingers by the time his sentence was over and had now positioned himself for entrance. In a slow, rocking motion, Matt pushed himself into Mello, causing the more effeminate of the two to unconsciously let out a loud moan._

They held hands all the way from the playroom to Matt's room, where Roger had set up an extra bed until Mello's room could be finished.

It was late and both boys were sleepy, but when Mello lay on the small cot on the other side of the room from Matt's bed, he felt cold and uncomfortable. Matt noticed Mello's tossing and turning as he tried to find a comfortable spot to lie.

Matt lay like that for what seemed like ages, just listening to the shift of Mello's body across the room, before getting up and walking over to the blonde's temporary bed.

"Hey, Mello?"

The boy groaned grumpily and scowled at Matt.

"What?"

"If... if you want, you could... come lay in my bed..."

Mello's eyes widened for a split second, before Matt quickly threw in,

"O- only because you can't seem to get comfortable over here and your squirming is keeping me awake!"

Matt looked down awkwardly at his bare feet.

"...Sure. It's gotta be better than this piece of crap."

_Matt was thrusting into Mello, the warmth from his groin spreading through his entire body. The more his member was engulfed by Mello's inner walls, the closer he knew he was getting to release. Needing to speed up Mello's pleasure, Matt grabbed the other's erection, meeting his thrusts with fast, even strokes._

_Three more thrusts and Mello came, the look of ecstacy on his face bringing Matt to his own release._

The younger crawled into the large, soft bed beside Matt, pulling the covers up under his chin. Matt let his eyes travel to Mello's face, which wore a serene look, with his eyes half closed and his lips parted ever so slightly, and the conversation they had had earlier that day came back to his mind.

"Hey, Mello, remember that thing you said that we were joking about? About me being alive and dead and stuff."

Mello opened his eyes slightly.

"Yeah. What of it?"

Matt's cheeks were warm.

"I was just wondering if you meant it, about you wanting to make me feel alive, that is..."

Mello's eyes closed and his lip turned up in somewhat of a half-smile.

"It's late, Matt, go to sleep."

The boy frowned and stared at Mello.

"Okay."

_They layed there like that, sticky from cum and and sweat, their bodies pressed closely together, pants coming from each's lips, until the first rays of sunlight began to shine through the bedroom curtains._

_A smoky sigh played on Matt's lips as he exhaled his cigarette smoke. _

_"So... today's the day, huh?"_

_Mello, who was still tangled in the sheets of the bed, sat up and looked at Matt._

_"...Yeah."_

_"The day we die?"_

_"...Yeah."_

_Matt put out his cigarette and ran the tips of his fingers across the top of Mello's hand._

_"How are you feeling?"_

_The blonde paused at the question and, after a moment, let a truly happy smile spread across his lips._

_"I feel... alive."_

_"Alive."_


End file.
